Hey guys, we have some big news. We took the next obvious step in world domination and decided to submit ourselves to being included within Google News. This would secure us many more eyeballs than we’re currently garnering (although we do love the eyeballs we have at the moment, all very lovely).

But as you know, as a website we provide a lot of breaking news, such as a comic three times a week and sometimes a post about Mirror’s Edge stuff. Here’s the info we provided Google News:

Google News of the future

As you can see it’s all above board and should be perfectly acceptable. We are after all a reputable establishment, you can tell because it has my name in the title. Would I make up lies for a living and put my name on it? I don’t think so. Only a true madman would do that.

We submitted the application! And we waited with baited breath.

Inclusion submitted

Oh man, look how close we are! 60%, that didn’t take any time at all! It must be because of how much of a no brainer it is to accept us.

Izak Smells verified

Oh what the fuck is this??? This is bullshit! Google is run by a bunch of bloody yahoos that’s for sure! Bing would never do this to us!

Review Complete google news

Maybe next time.