Poor old Midas. Doomed to eternally punish all those he came in, erm, contact with. Although when you think about it, he was just a greedy fucker who got what he deserved – everyone else had to deal with the consequences. So maybe he really doesn’t merit the tragic antihero treatment. As you read this, I am somewhere in the far north of New Zealand, probably day drinking. I mean, it’s hard to say for sure because we’ve predone these to give us a short break over the summer, but it’s a fairly safe bet. So to all you north hemisphere dwellers who make up the vast majority of our readership, enjoy your rain and sleet and snow – I’ll be thinking of you from down here in the subtropics.

↓ Transcript
King Midas is being lead from his bedroom in chains. Tied to his bed is a woman in kinky attire. She is dead, and has something dribbling out of her mouth and down her chin.
Caption: Midas was famous for his party tricks, but his eagerness to please eventually caught up with him.
“Well she wanted a golden shower!”