It’s been a while, Stonelord. Everyone’s favourite totem is running for the highest office in the land – and after four years of insanity, the America of 2020 seems ready for a little stability. We sometimes get questions about Stonelord, like “What the hell is up with this guy?” but inevitably that segues into “You know what, I don’t care, I like him.” Which, come to think of it, explains a lot about democracy.

↓ Transcript
A news presenter piece to camera, with a lower-third that reads: Statuesque candidate rocks nation.
“We now cross live to the candidate who has been described as both a "pillar of strength" and a “stone-cold conservative”.”

Stonelord stands behind a podium, flanked by Stonelord 2020 banners.