I was kicking this idea around with Matt and this was his alternative version which I think sums the whole bully process up quite nicely. “Oh honey, the names are just because you’ve been arbitrarily identified as weak and are being sacrificed so they can gain experience in making the kind of social bonds that are vital in the adult world. They can’t hurt you.” [pat pat]

We’re back from “Up North” and I can confidently say it was a great time of doing absolutely nothing. We played a bunch of Pokemon: Let’s Go Eevee, which is a game that sells itself in practice better than it does in text. At first glance you’d imagine that removing the battle element from catching wild Pokemon would be like removing half the game. But really you just discover that the battling is the drudgery and catching really can be more fun when you’re looking for the master race pokemon to crush people with. If you were wondering whether to get the Pokeball controller pack, don’t. Unless you also plan to be playing a lot of Pokemon Go as well.

When we got home Smash was waiting for me as well, which was exciting! I haven’t had much of a chance to play it yet, but possibly while you’re reading this I’ll be playing it on the bus to work or something.

Best moment from Up North had to be night one. We were hungry and looking for some place to sate ourselves. We go to what looks like a reconverted Spanish church, or more likely a winery or villa pretending it isn’t in New Zealand.They served Indian, and I’m always keen for a Mild Butter Chicken, otherwise known as “The closest I could get to white food”. We enter and the bar area is empty. The staff are obviously helping someone. A woman, who looks like my mum, exits the toilet which was situated right next to the front desk, I immediately turn to her and give her a broad smile and an expectant “Ah hello!”

“Hi =S” she says, startled at getting jumped after taking a massive shit. She walks past me, and doesn’t even serve me, the bitch. A guy steps behind the till and greeted us, taking us to our seats. I saw the woman sit down in the corner with her friends to a meal. Obviously she was slacking on the job. I decided not to tell the manager.