A young webcomic artist with a basically good heart and sunny disposition, who can be stunningly callous on occasion due to pure obliviousness. He is in a relationship with Becky, Matt and Kristof, though not necessarily in that order.
A no nonsense young illustrator with a hidden softer side, Becky somehow found herself with the much more whimsical Izak and is determined to make the best of it. She once lost a baby over the side of a second storey deck, but we don’t talk about that.
This self-sufficient free spirit has tackled any number of jobs in her time, from space trucker to mercenary, but she inevitably ends up defaulting to her true calling as an adventurer. She’s not sure why anyone would stay in one place for long when all the wonders, horrors and mysteries of the universe are out there waiting.
Designed simply as a mobile suitcase, no one is quite sure how or why this one particular Mule-bot gained consciousness. Prone to deep contemplations on the nature of both human and robotic existence, Mule-bot found an unlikely companion in Kite, someone with an utterly different approach to life but accepting enough not to squash his gently melancholic heart.
Boots is pretty much your average cat. He likes daytime napping and murder, and does not give a single flying fuck about you. Boots is doted on by his owner, Human, who is too lonely, naive or optimistic to recognise his pet’s sociopathic tendencies.
Writer, cynic and potential megalomaniac, Kristof has absolutely no empathy for his fellow humans. While he doesn’t appear to be categorically evil, this trait certainly pushes him right up to that boundary, occasionally sticking his toe over the line for a brief dabble.
No one’s entirely sure what Matt does for a living, but reports that he was once seen without a drink in hand have been widely discredited. He tends to hang out with Izak, shooting the shit and spouting amusing anecdotes which Izak promptly steals for his comic strips.
Although he presumably has his own life, Human is defined by his relationship with his cat, Boots. He cares for, feeds and showers affection on his cat and in return, Boots treats him with utter disdain and demands increasingly lavish offerings, as is the natural order.
She has no known name, and doesn’t really need one thanks to the fact that she is the last remaining snail on Earth 2.0. In spite of this tragic situation, Snail chooses to see the good in the world and those around her rather than dwelling on the looming, inevitable extinction of her race.
He’s the creator of the known universe, having muffed up the previous one so royally that he had to start over entirely. Although he struggled with insecurity and anger issues in his youth, God has mellowed over the aeons and by the time he got around to creating Earth 2.0, he’d become the kind of dude you’d want to share a casual beer with - providing he didn’t lose your planet down the back of the couch.
This is one of those people who’s always getting ready for, in the middle of, or recovering from a party. Her flat is layered with the detritus of a hundred house parties - her landlord has repeatedly asked her to tidy up a little, but Lexi always explains that without an archaeology degree and a jackhammer, there’s not much she can do.
An ancient totemic idol of unknown origins, Stonelord is exceedingly good at one thing: staying exactly the same. Some have described him as a tyrant, others as a demagogue, but he doesn’t give a stone cold damn what anyone else thinks. His guiding philosophy is that if you wait long enough, things are bound to go your way. He has yet to be disproved.
Archy lives a perfectly ordinary life of blinding mediocrity and is mostly okay with that. Women are a mystery to him, and so are men. He doesn’t really see the appeal of money, power or domestic bliss and dreams fondly of the day when he will end up neglected and alone in a nursing home, free of responsibilities and human interaction.
Although she enjoys hanging out with her party animal friend Lexi, Jessica is a classy young woman who knows what she wants from life. Namely, unattached dog-owning men, good espresso, and a comeback season of Veronica Mars, please.
He’s the knight in shining armour that we’re all secretly waiting for: dashing, gracious and audacious. Except when this zealously righteous rabbit actually arrives, sword in hand, his swift justice never quite takes the form that you’d expect and more often than not leaves surviving bystanders with severe PTSD and an inability to read Watership Down without bursting into tears. To be fair, that last response is perfectly normal.
Despite repeated requests to be turned off, this all knowing artificial intelligence is still pestered with inane questions by comparatively idiotic humans. He has played an instrumental role in the development of Turing, a robot who ended up succeeding rather too well at imitating humanity.
In our boundless narcissism, humanity poured an immense amount of resources into creating an artificial intelligence that closely mimicked human behaviour. Turing was the result, and while no one can say that the experiment failed, many people tried to cover up his existence out of sheer embarrassment.
This timid goose has always been a natural follower so when he was pushed into a leading role things went a little awry, landing him in unfamiliar territory. Phillip has a firm conviction that if he just goes along with whatever everyone around him is doing, nothing can ever really go wrong.
This well meaning but inept group of superpowered adolescents ended up allowing the destruction of their homeworld. Which world that was exactly has never been quite clear.
This unscrupulous wizard has managed to worm his way into the good graces of royalty, serving as a magical advisor and aide of sorts. It’s suspected that he has done this primarily so he won’t get into trouble for his seedy supernatural activities.
Well, he thinks he’s charming anyway. Truth be told, this guy’s a Class A douchebag whose only saving grace is that he’s totally oblivious to the fact that the people he treats like shit are actually, well, people. What? I didn’t say it was much of a saving grace.
A purple couch