Imagine if humans were the only creature you had to develop survival skills against. What would that creature look like? Sure, tasting gross is a good start. But you usually look gross as well, which is enough for some people to crush you like the miserable bug sitting in the shower that you are. In recent years we’ve been finding out how smart animals really are. Becky for example isn’t so keen on the pork anymore because in her words “piggys are as smart as dogs. Would you eat a dog?”

Yes. Yes I would, if it tasted as good as pork does. Avoiding eating something based on its intelligence seems like much too restrictive of a diet to me. I’m not so callous as to ask that only the mentally handicapped animals are culled from the herd for my dinner. Let it not be said that I’m not all about equal opportunities.

But imagine what an animal would look like if its survival rested on these sorts of human calculations. What would their defense be? Look cute and try out a wide range of sounds until one of the sound sets inexplicably stops people from cooking you.

↓ Transcript
Original unedited version of the script:

In an astounding example of creative evolutionary survival skills the "I feel pain" bird found a way to stay off the Human food chain.

Unfortunately the Amazon tribe that hunted them to extinction couldn't speak English