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Movie Review: Rogue One – Proving Just How Crap Force Awakens Was

Force Awakens was a difficult film to make, we all told ourselves. It’s weighed down by years of Star Wars history. It’s veritably bulging at the seams. Every second scene was a giant wink wink nudge nudge to the fans.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story on the other hand, relegates the winks and nudges to the very ends of shots, where a cameo character will dance around for a second to remind you that this is A Star Wars Story. At one point a familiar face popped up and inside my head I was screaming “Get the hell out of my movie you asshole!” We don’t need fanservice hand jobs to enjoy this film. It works good enough on its own. Fortunately these moments didn’t crop up or hang around long enough to outstay their welcome. It was more like product placement than anything else.

What I’m trying to say is, Force Awakens has no excuse for sucking because Rogue One managed to still be great, despite being Star Wars.

While it’s attached to episode 4 by a matter of moments, it doesn’t feel that same weight of the universe Force Awakens did. The characters have their own problems and demons to struggle with. To lighten up all the brooding there is a decent amount of comedy injected into the film by K-2SO, the obligatory robot played by Alan Tudyk. The two protagonists play off each other rather well and they have more sexual chemistry than Solo and Leia even if the sudden randiness is the same sort you get for winning a game of monopoly.

It perfectly sets up Episode 4. It shows the odds that the rebels have got to work with, the stakes, and just how plain terrifying Darth Vader is walking on a sea of bodies. This should definitely be the first movie that newbies to the series should watch, purely for the emotional payload of seeing Darth Vader later on.

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The action was cohesive and rad. Although the reasons for a beach fight seemed a little convoluted. I recommend watching this movie in 2D because 3D is still a bag of dicks. The shots are amazing, and 3D added nothing to the experience. The vistas were bad ass and I felt annoyed that I was getting a suboptimal experience. Maybe it’s because I’m one of those unlucky people who have A. two sets of glasses, and B. the bad luck to be in the set of seats that are bolted right up against the wall that the movie is projected onto.

Becky Hunt, a professional and a Star Wars fan with an opinion noted the “Bromance, bromance everywhere” and also that it’s “The best prequel so far”.

This isn’t saying much because the other movies that you could reasonably call prequels have been ignored by fans for being total garbage.

Also I believe there was a nod to Porkins.