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Half Of Trumps Speech Was Dedicated to Wondering Where The Hell Everyone Was

Many are left in ruins after the election. While Hillary stole away the popular vote Trump took the presidency right out from under her. This just goes to show that smiling and waiting for the presidency to fall into your lap because your opponent is a total monster just doesn’t work anymore.

To save you time we extracted all the interesting bits from Trumps speech and threw them away, instead leaving you with a bewildered man wandering around the stage going “Where’s Robert? Where’s Mike? Where is Reince?”

Trumps Winning Speech Abridged

“I also want to thank my sisters, Maryanne and Elizabeth, who are here with us tonight. And, where are they? They’re here someplace. They’re very shy, actually. And my brother Robert — my great friend. Where is Robert? Where is Robert?”

“I want to give a very special thanks to our former mayor, Rudy Giuliani. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. He traveled with us and he went through meetings. That Rudy never changes. Where’s Rudy? Where is he? Rudy.”

“The first man, first senator, first major, major politician, and let me tell you, he is highly respected in Washington because he’s as smart as you get: Senator Jeff Sessions. Where is Jeff?”

“Another great man, very tough competitor. He was not easy. He was not easy. Who is that? Is that the mayor that showed up?”

“Is that Rudy? Oh, Rudy got up here.”

“Another great man who has been really a friend to me. But I’ll tell you, I got to know him as a competitor because he was one of the folks that was negotiating to go against those Democrats: Dr. Ben Carson. Where is Ben?”

(APPLAUSE)

“Where is Ben?”

“And by the way, Mike Huckabee is here someplace, and he is fantastic… General Mike Flynn. Where is Mike?”

“But I’ll tell you, Reince is really a star. And he is the hardest-working guy. And in a certain way, I did this — Reince, come up here. Where is Reince?”